There are three levels on which game exists: Outer Game, Inner Game and Atomic Game.
Outer Game is how you convey your value to other people. Lines, routines, etc fall into this category. Also included is calibration, controlling your body language, reading other people's body language, and escalation. You get the idea.
Inner Game is believing in your own value. I think "core confidence" sums the idea up pretty well.
Atomic Game is...can you guess it? It's actually having value, a concept that gets far too little attention in the Community.
One of the problems that routine junkies find is that they eventually run out of material, the razzle-dazzle wears off, and girls realize that the guys are phonies. Outer Game without Inner Game is just an attempt to trick girls into believing your have value when you don't really believe it yourself. Eventually the jig is up and the girls are gone.
Inner Game without Atomic Game is just an attempt to trick yourself into having value. It's easier to convince a girl that you have value when you believe it yourself. But, eventually you'll realize it's all a sham, and once that happens your Outer Game will collapse. The solution? Atomic Game, actually having value.
When you have real value it's very easy to believe you have value, and when you believe you have value it's very easy to communicate that you have value to others. So how do you get value?
...So actually quite a while has passed since I wrote the all that, and I've been trying to figure out an answer to that question, "How do you get value?" It's basically a "What is the meaning of life?" question, and I'm pretty far from qualified to answer it. Luckily, in the time I've been thinking about this, I've come up with a non-answer which might actually be pretty useful.
How you get value will depend largely on whether value is objective or subjective. For those of you wondering just what I mean (and any time people use airy language like I am now, you should ask what exactly they mean), I'll explain. Objective value means there's some right answer to the question "What is value?" Subjective value means there's no one right answer and that what matters is what you think the right answer is. Uh...pretty thin explanation, it's a little more complicated than that, but this will suffice. As an example, maybe there is some objective standard of beauty; percent body fat, facial proportions, skin tone, etc. Or, it may be subjective; beauty is whatever people think is beautiful.
The good news for you is that it might not matter if value is objective or subjective. Actually, it's good news for me. If it did matter, I'd be fucked and would never come up with a useful conclusion to this entry. Good news for all of us.
Why it doesn't amtter if value is objective or subjective is because of how the outer game/inner game/atomic game structure works. I said before inner game works better when you actually have value (atomic game). That might be wrong. For instance, imagine that value was objective and you possessed tons of it. Your inner could still be fucked...if your beliefs about value were wrong! You'd have value but not realize it, meaning your inner game would eventually collapse, even though you had value. What a world!
Atomic game should really be understood not as having value, but as having what you believe is value. This starts to sound a lot like I'm just explaining inner game with different words. Not quite, but close. Inner game is more about telling yourself you have value. Tim from Real Social Dynamics talks frequently about having a delusional belief in the amazing level of your skills. This helps distinguish inner game from atomic game. Inner game is when you try to get yourself to believe something that you really, deep down, believe is false. Inner game is deluding yourself into thinking you've overcome your faults. Atomic game is overcoming what you think your faults are.
So now back to subjective/objective stuff. Assume for a moment that value is objective. What if you're wrong about your faults? What if you end up emphasizing your weaknesses and hiding your strengths. Whoops!
Luckily there's more good news. Even if there is objective value, there's no reason to think that girls know what is objectively valuable. All they have, just like you, is what they think is valuable. They could be right, they could be wrong, or value could be subjective and no one is right or wrong. What's important is that when you're talking to a girl, her attraction is based on what she thinks gives value. If she's wrong, she's wrong; the universe isn't going to step in and tell her hormones to shut down and vagina to dry up; she's still going to be attracted. Yippee!
And now for the sad conclusion. All this basically seems to boil down to the idea that you should try to make yourself into the type of man girls think is valuable. That would suck. Not only is it super reactive and about as supplicatory as you can get, but it'd be damned hard. You can't ask girls what they think is valuable; people tend to not be honest with themselves about what turns them on. They're even less honest with other people.
But, if you could know just what gets certain girls' blood going, you'd be faced with that issue: would you change yourself just to get girls? I can't tell you what's right for you and what's not. Maybe men of extraordinary integrity just go through life not getting laid that much. At some point you have to look at life, realize you can't have everything, and start prioritizing. Maybe you'd like to think you stay true to your nature, or maybe you'd like to have a lot of anonymous bathroom sex. I won't choose for you. I just hope all this has helped make the issues a little easier to get your head around.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
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3 comments:
Superficially people are dishonest. But their behavior says other wise. It's much much harder to fake behavior than to fake words and lines. If you believe in peacock theory (for humans)- the things that women find the most attractive are the hardest to fake. For example, their is a type of fish out there where the male is extremely colorful. And the more colors it has the more those fish tend to get laid. Now this should be counterproductive to its survival. The more colorful it is the more easily predators will notice it. However, despite this disadvantage they can survive. Meaning they have superior genes. If a lower quality fish somehow happened to get all those colors (in humans peacocking) it could potentially get laid, unfortunately in the long run (let's say 7 hours) it would not have a chance to survive.
This isn't really a sad conclusion actually. Many of the characteristics that make an attractive man just that are actually excellent qualities to have (and it should make sense evolutionary-wise). Being a man - leading a woman, social, not being complacent, ambitious, status, power, etc, etc. All girls are fundamentally attracted to the qualities it is to be a man. Look at ANY gay couple. Why would one become the woman and the other the male? Because it's inherently attractive for a feminine personality to be attracted to a masculine personality.
There will always be new techniques. Just look at the growing and changing of the community. NLP -> M3 -> Natural -> direct... but the fundamentals have never ever changed. And you don't need to ASK woman what they find attractive. Because again their verbal can lie but their behavior does not. There is a system called positive and negative reinforcement and one does not actually need to analyze this - by acting a certain way gives positive outcomes - your behavior will continue to do those things.
For example, teasing and negs seem are extremely counter intuitive - you agree? Many guys if you tell them "hey say something somewhat 'mean' to her and it'll make her giggle." What? That doesn't make sense at all. Why would she giggle if it's mean? But it works. And many PUAs realize this over time. But guys who already get girls do this already. They didn't analyze this. They didn't think this at first. Positive reinforcement has built this into their behavior. (and by evolutionary standards it's a good characteristic to have)
"And now for the sad conclusion. All this basically seems to boil down to the idea that you should try to make yourself into the type of man girls think is valuable. That would suck. Not only is it super reactive and about as supplicatory as you can get, but it'd be damned hard. You can't ask girls what they think is valuable; people tend to not be honest with themselves about what turns them on. They're even less honest with other people."
You seem to really enjoy evolutionary biology. Have you had a chance to read Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters? I just finished it and it's really interesting, probably something right up your alley.
no, i haven't read it yet. I'll definitely get to it.
i prefer these types of books as it's not marketing ploy or tactics. It's not the new "trend" in the community. It's straight up solid fundamentals with scientific data to back it up. It isn't just evolutionary books but books like influence (which is amazing by cialdini - if you havent had a chance it's very fascinating)
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