On any Community forum* you will find a severe lack of two skills: attracting women, and reading comprehension. Of course there's a lack in attraction skills. If there wasn't, most people wouldn't have found their way to the forum in the first place.
A lack in reading comprehension skills is a little more unexpected. But, it turns out that the two go hand-in-hand. To explain what I mean by a lack of reading comprehension, here are a few entirely ficticious sample conversations:
PLA: "Wal-Mart has fucking everything, lightbulbs, TVs, pillows, pork rinds."
aPUA: "Pork rinds? I can't believe you eat that crap."
PLA: "You are never going to get laid."
aPUA: "Did you hear that John McCain wants to keep troops in Iraq for 100 years?"
PLA: "Actually, he prefaced that with the condition that we would only stay that long if our soldiers weren't being attacked. He was talking about a peaceful presence like we still have in Germany and Japan. And, Obama actually supports the exact same thing. His withdrawal plan includes keeping a small permanent force in Iraq."
aPUA: "Obama said he is going to bring the troops home! He's not going to keep them there!"
PLA: "You are never going to get laid."
PLA: "I'm sick, I think I got the flu from my vaccine."
aPUA: "The flu vaccine prevents the flu, not causes it."
PLA: "Actually, the flu vaccine contains a weakened form of the disease, and a small number of people do in fact get sick from them."
aPUA: "No. That's not what a vaccine is for. Vaccines aren't made to get people sick."
PLA: "You are never going to get laid."
aPUA: "Do looks matter?"
PLA: "Well, the answer is actually quite complicated. In short the do matter, but not as much or in the way that you would think. You see..."
aPUA: "So, looks don't matter?"
PLA: "You are never going to get laid."
So what does this have to do with attracting women? First of all, poor reading comprehension decimates the value of all the Community forums. Second, if your reading comp skills are poor, you won't be able to get the full benefit of the few books, articles, posts, blogs, and such which aren't cluttered with sub-literate gibberish. And finally, I find it quite annoying, and an annoyed Evenstar has shit for game.
Also, poor reading comprehension goes along with poor listening comprehension. Most guys get the reading and the listening pretty well. They understand the ordinary meanings of almost all the words. It's the comprehension they have trouble with. If you're a poor communicator you will have trouble talking to women.
aPUA: "But Evenstar, haven't you hooked up with girls who barely spoke any English?"
PLA: "Why yes I have. Good times. Good times."
aPUA: "So then isn't what you said just a bunch of horse shit? Who cares how my verbal comprehension is if you can pick up girls you don't even share a language with? This shit is irrelevant."
PLA: "See where I wrote 'you will have trouble talking to women?'"
aPUA: "Yeah."
PLA: "See how that's different from 'you are never going to get laid?'"
aPUA: "I still think cross-language hookups prove you don't need this shit."
PLA: "You are never going to get laid."
Yes, you can go to a club and just grunt at women and still manage to have sex with them. Maybe not you per se, but some guys can. For the rest of the world, effective communication skills make the job a whole lot easier.
There are a few reasons people have trouble with reading comprehension:
Inattention to detail. (They just misread stuff.)
Intolerance/Ignorance of nuance and subtly. (They don't bother thinking about why specific words were chosen, or simply don't understand what a different choice would mean.)
Impatience. (They stop reading carefully.)
Anticipation. (Once they think they know where the writer is going, they stop paying close attention.)
So, what to do about the problem?
I used to teach LSAT prep, so I might as well throw that idea out there. LSAT tests specifically on reading comprehension, so doing those exercises will help. Also, the logical reasoning and logic games sections are intertwined. The skills cross over, so getting good at these will help reading comp. Of course, LSAT prep materials can get expensive.
Read more. Reading is a skill and you must exercise to stay in shape. But, you can't just read anything. Read books by authors known for their mastery of language. I suggest starting with Christopher Buckley, author of Thank You for Smoking. He also used to be a speech writer for George H. W. Bush (when he was VP under Reagan). The man is a master of his craft, and just fun to read anyways.
When having an argument with someone, and I mean a logical, debate-like argument, not a "I FUCKING HATE YOU!" argument, before responding repeat back the other person's position to them and verify that you understand them. Don't use the same words they used. Being able to phrase the same thing in more than one way is often a clear sign of true comprehension. So many arguments get nowhere because one person is responding to a position the other person doesn't even hold.
Those are the only suggestions I have. But, one last thing to keep in mind: If you can't pick up on subtleties and details in a book, how will you ever notice them in a girl?
That's all. Have a happy, prosperous and sexy 2009!
*This site is a blog, not a forum.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Friday, December 19, 2008
PLA Fashion Tips, Vol. One: How to Buy
Welcome to the first of what will hopefully be many entries giving fashion advice. We're starting out with How to Buy. There's a whole lot more to buying clothes than taking something off the rack, walking to the register and having over some cash.
1. Rethink sales.
Most of the time something is on sale (especially clearance sales), there's a good reason. Not enough people were willing to buy this stuff at regular price. Maybe the style is lame, the cuts are awkward, or the manufacturing quality is crap. Whatever the reason, it is almost always good to avoid sales, but with two big exceptions:
Classic items. Some items come back year after year and are pretty much always in style. Take for example the Lacoste polo shirt. This thing has been around for decades, and you can bet it will be around for decades more. It's always somewhere in the middle between trendy and played out. You want to avoid getting trendy items on sale, it's a sign that the look is dead. But, for items that make a come-back year after year, feel free to save yourself some cash.
Start-of-Season Sales. Many stores put their new collections on sale at the beginning of the season. I know Emporio Armani and Hugo Boss have done this, and I'm sure many others do as well. These sales are gold mines. Not only are you certain you're not wearing last year's trends, but it's usually easier to find your size, since the store's stocks are full.
2. Buy Quality.
Many people try to save money by purchasing cheaper clothes. This is a horrible idea. Cheap clothes save you money in the short run. More expensive, quality clothes save you money in the long run. Here's how:
They Last Longer. When you shell out the extra couple hundred dollars on a pair of jeans, it's not just because of the label (though many people will tell you that you're just paying for the brand; people that tell you that have ugly clothes). Part of it is the brand, for sure, but a lot is the quality if the fabric and manufacturing. The colors are less likely to fade, the shape won't change, the stitches stay stitched. It's worth spending $400 on a pair of jeans if you can keep wearing them for years to come. You may only need 3-4 pairs in an entire decade.
You'll Wear Them. Odds are if you're buying quality clothes, you're going to like them more, and you're going to wear them. With cheap clothes you'll often find something wrong with it later, or just end up not liking it. Do you really save money with a $40 shirt if you only wear it twice and then realize it was lame? It cost you $20 every time you put it on. If you spend $150 on a shirt and wear it once every two weeks for a year, it only cost you $5.70 each time you wore it. Which shirt do you think you're more likely to wear again and again? The nice, high quality one, which probably cost you a bit more. Bigger up-front cost, but it saves you money in the long haul.
3. Try Clothes On.
Unless you're very familiar with a brand and shop there regularly, try everything on. T-shirts, even within the same brand, can have different cuts. Different brands size things differently. Also, you're likely to notice some small details that you missed while looking at it on the rack. Sure, you can return things if you find it doesn't fit when you get home. But, a lot of people don't ever return these things. It's much safer to just try them on in the store.
4. Ask For Help.
A lot of people think that the sales clerks will say everything looks great on you and you should buy it all. Some probably will. But, a lot will give you good, honest advice, and also have very good style. This is especially true if you're asking for help with a size or cut (such as with jeans). Only one cut of jean will fit you best, and the sales clerk knows you're not buying both styles, so you can feel certain you're getting their honest opinion.
If they start saying everything looks good, just make it clear what quantity you're looking for. "I agree they both look good, but I'm not sure which I like better," tells the clerk "I'm just buying one, cut the shit and give me your honest opinion."
5. Get Clothes Tailored.
If something doesn't fit quite right, you can usually get it tailored so it will. Spending $10-15 to turn an okay jacket into a fantastic jacket you'll love and wear again and again is, in the long run, a real money saver. Just remember, when it comes to getting things tailored, don't alter the shoulders of a jacket or shirt. This will never work. The shoulders are the foundation, and altering them changes the shape entirely.
1. Rethink sales.
Most of the time something is on sale (especially clearance sales), there's a good reason. Not enough people were willing to buy this stuff at regular price. Maybe the style is lame, the cuts are awkward, or the manufacturing quality is crap. Whatever the reason, it is almost always good to avoid sales, but with two big exceptions:
Classic items. Some items come back year after year and are pretty much always in style. Take for example the Lacoste polo shirt. This thing has been around for decades, and you can bet it will be around for decades more. It's always somewhere in the middle between trendy and played out. You want to avoid getting trendy items on sale, it's a sign that the look is dead. But, for items that make a come-back year after year, feel free to save yourself some cash.
Start-of-Season Sales. Many stores put their new collections on sale at the beginning of the season. I know Emporio Armani and Hugo Boss have done this, and I'm sure many others do as well. These sales are gold mines. Not only are you certain you're not wearing last year's trends, but it's usually easier to find your size, since the store's stocks are full.
2. Buy Quality.
Many people try to save money by purchasing cheaper clothes. This is a horrible idea. Cheap clothes save you money in the short run. More expensive, quality clothes save you money in the long run. Here's how:
They Last Longer. When you shell out the extra couple hundred dollars on a pair of jeans, it's not just because of the label (though many people will tell you that you're just paying for the brand; people that tell you that have ugly clothes). Part of it is the brand, for sure, but a lot is the quality if the fabric and manufacturing. The colors are less likely to fade, the shape won't change, the stitches stay stitched. It's worth spending $400 on a pair of jeans if you can keep wearing them for years to come. You may only need 3-4 pairs in an entire decade.
You'll Wear Them. Odds are if you're buying quality clothes, you're going to like them more, and you're going to wear them. With cheap clothes you'll often find something wrong with it later, or just end up not liking it. Do you really save money with a $40 shirt if you only wear it twice and then realize it was lame? It cost you $20 every time you put it on. If you spend $150 on a shirt and wear it once every two weeks for a year, it only cost you $5.70 each time you wore it. Which shirt do you think you're more likely to wear again and again? The nice, high quality one, which probably cost you a bit more. Bigger up-front cost, but it saves you money in the long haul.
3. Try Clothes On.
Unless you're very familiar with a brand and shop there regularly, try everything on. T-shirts, even within the same brand, can have different cuts. Different brands size things differently. Also, you're likely to notice some small details that you missed while looking at it on the rack. Sure, you can return things if you find it doesn't fit when you get home. But, a lot of people don't ever return these things. It's much safer to just try them on in the store.
4. Ask For Help.
A lot of people think that the sales clerks will say everything looks great on you and you should buy it all. Some probably will. But, a lot will give you good, honest advice, and also have very good style. This is especially true if you're asking for help with a size or cut (such as with jeans). Only one cut of jean will fit you best, and the sales clerk knows you're not buying both styles, so you can feel certain you're getting their honest opinion.
If they start saying everything looks good, just make it clear what quantity you're looking for. "I agree they both look good, but I'm not sure which I like better," tells the clerk "I'm just buying one, cut the shit and give me your honest opinion."
5. Get Clothes Tailored.
If something doesn't fit quite right, you can usually get it tailored so it will. Spending $10-15 to turn an okay jacket into a fantastic jacket you'll love and wear again and again is, in the long run, a real money saver. Just remember, when it comes to getting things tailored, don't alter the shoulders of a jacket or shirt. This will never work. The shoulders are the foundation, and altering them changes the shape entirely.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
sittin' at the bar an' lettin' chicks come to ya
...an' then fuckin' 'em.
That's my new method. No "woo," no "intent," no "approach! approach! approach!" And guess what? I get laid. That's right, I do pretty much the opposite of everything you've heard, and I still pick up girls, even in places that get maybe 5 cute girls in a night. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I pull every time (or even most of the time) that I go out. I'm just saying that it's been working pretty well.
It will probably take several more years before I really know how or why this works, but here are just a few thoughts about this technique:
1. It is low energy. Your energy level tends to be lower when you're doing things that are routine for you. Girls pick up on this. If you're just chilling at a bar, low energy, and start chatting up a girl, she'll feel that this situation is completely natural.
2. Girls are less critical. When you approach a girl, you immediately set off her judgment circuits. If she comes into your orbit (though you're usually the one opening), she'll be more concerned with what you think of her than what she thinks of you.
3. You are social proofed. If you've been chatting up the bar tender, you're friends with the most alpha person in the room. Bar tenders have seen the same dance so many times, they make for decent wings. Plus, as a regular, she's in your house...kinda.
4. You don't look needy. If you're running around the room chatting up every thing that's female and warm, you look desperate. You have to be really confident to just rely on the handful of girls that voluntarily come into your orbit.
5. You give the girl a better narrative. (I will do a more indepth post on the role of narratives later.) A lot of people look at the bar/club pickup as sketchy. By being chill, relaxing at the bar guy, you take yourself out of the role of creepy, out to get laid guy. You're just a cool dude who knows a good thing when he sees it.
I don't suggest anyone start off learning the game this way. You will progress far too slowly. You should be going out to clubs regularly and being an approach machine. But, once you already have a lot of experience under your belt, don't worry about "how do I open?" or "what if I run out of things to say?" then I suggest giving this method a try.
That's my new method. No "woo," no "intent," no "approach! approach! approach!" And guess what? I get laid. That's right, I do pretty much the opposite of everything you've heard, and I still pick up girls, even in places that get maybe 5 cute girls in a night. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I pull every time (or even most of the time) that I go out. I'm just saying that it's been working pretty well.
It will probably take several more years before I really know how or why this works, but here are just a few thoughts about this technique:
1. It is low energy. Your energy level tends to be lower when you're doing things that are routine for you. Girls pick up on this. If you're just chilling at a bar, low energy, and start chatting up a girl, she'll feel that this situation is completely natural.
2. Girls are less critical. When you approach a girl, you immediately set off her judgment circuits. If she comes into your orbit (though you're usually the one opening), she'll be more concerned with what you think of her than what she thinks of you.
3. You are social proofed. If you've been chatting up the bar tender, you're friends with the most alpha person in the room. Bar tenders have seen the same dance so many times, they make for decent wings. Plus, as a regular, she's in your house...kinda.
4. You don't look needy. If you're running around the room chatting up every thing that's female and warm, you look desperate. You have to be really confident to just rely on the handful of girls that voluntarily come into your orbit.
5. You give the girl a better narrative. (I will do a more indepth post on the role of narratives later.) A lot of people look at the bar/club pickup as sketchy. By being chill, relaxing at the bar guy, you take yourself out of the role of creepy, out to get laid guy. You're just a cool dude who knows a good thing when he sees it.
I don't suggest anyone start off learning the game this way. You will progress far too slowly. You should be going out to clubs regularly and being an approach machine. But, once you already have a lot of experience under your belt, don't worry about "how do I open?" or "what if I run out of things to say?" then I suggest giving this method a try.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Atomic Game
There are three levels on which game exists: Outer Game, Inner Game and Atomic Game.
Outer Game is how you convey your value to other people. Lines, routines, etc fall into this category. Also included is calibration, controlling your body language, reading other people's body language, and escalation. You get the idea.
Inner Game is believing in your own value. I think "core confidence" sums the idea up pretty well.
Atomic Game is...can you guess it? It's actually having value, a concept that gets far too little attention in the Community.
One of the problems that routine junkies find is that they eventually run out of material, the razzle-dazzle wears off, and girls realize that the guys are phonies. Outer Game without Inner Game is just an attempt to trick girls into believing your have value when you don't really believe it yourself. Eventually the jig is up and the girls are gone.
Inner Game without Atomic Game is just an attempt to trick yourself into having value. It's easier to convince a girl that you have value when you believe it yourself. But, eventually you'll realize it's all a sham, and once that happens your Outer Game will collapse. The solution? Atomic Game, actually having value.
When you have real value it's very easy to believe you have value, and when you believe you have value it's very easy to communicate that you have value to others. So how do you get value?
...So actually quite a while has passed since I wrote the all that, and I've been trying to figure out an answer to that question, "How do you get value?" It's basically a "What is the meaning of life?" question, and I'm pretty far from qualified to answer it. Luckily, in the time I've been thinking about this, I've come up with a non-answer which might actually be pretty useful.
How you get value will depend largely on whether value is objective or subjective. For those of you wondering just what I mean (and any time people use airy language like I am now, you should ask what exactly they mean), I'll explain. Objective value means there's some right answer to the question "What is value?" Subjective value means there's no one right answer and that what matters is what you think the right answer is. Uh...pretty thin explanation, it's a little more complicated than that, but this will suffice. As an example, maybe there is some objective standard of beauty; percent body fat, facial proportions, skin tone, etc. Or, it may be subjective; beauty is whatever people think is beautiful.
The good news for you is that it might not matter if value is objective or subjective. Actually, it's good news for me. If it did matter, I'd be fucked and would never come up with a useful conclusion to this entry. Good news for all of us.
Why it doesn't amtter if value is objective or subjective is because of how the outer game/inner game/atomic game structure works. I said before inner game works better when you actually have value (atomic game). That might be wrong. For instance, imagine that value was objective and you possessed tons of it. Your inner could still be fucked...if your beliefs about value were wrong! You'd have value but not realize it, meaning your inner game would eventually collapse, even though you had value. What a world!
Atomic game should really be understood not as having value, but as having what you believe is value. This starts to sound a lot like I'm just explaining inner game with different words. Not quite, but close. Inner game is more about telling yourself you have value. Tim from Real Social Dynamics talks frequently about having a delusional belief in the amazing level of your skills. This helps distinguish inner game from atomic game. Inner game is when you try to get yourself to believe something that you really, deep down, believe is false. Inner game is deluding yourself into thinking you've overcome your faults. Atomic game is overcoming what you think your faults are.
So now back to subjective/objective stuff. Assume for a moment that value is objective. What if you're wrong about your faults? What if you end up emphasizing your weaknesses and hiding your strengths. Whoops!
Luckily there's more good news. Even if there is objective value, there's no reason to think that girls know what is objectively valuable. All they have, just like you, is what they think is valuable. They could be right, they could be wrong, or value could be subjective and no one is right or wrong. What's important is that when you're talking to a girl, her attraction is based on what she thinks gives value. If she's wrong, she's wrong; the universe isn't going to step in and tell her hormones to shut down and vagina to dry up; she's still going to be attracted. Yippee!
And now for the sad conclusion. All this basically seems to boil down to the idea that you should try to make yourself into the type of man girls think is valuable. That would suck. Not only is it super reactive and about as supplicatory as you can get, but it'd be damned hard. You can't ask girls what they think is valuable; people tend to not be honest with themselves about what turns them on. They're even less honest with other people.
But, if you could know just what gets certain girls' blood going, you'd be faced with that issue: would you change yourself just to get girls? I can't tell you what's right for you and what's not. Maybe men of extraordinary integrity just go through life not getting laid that much. At some point you have to look at life, realize you can't have everything, and start prioritizing. Maybe you'd like to think you stay true to your nature, or maybe you'd like to have a lot of anonymous bathroom sex. I won't choose for you. I just hope all this has helped make the issues a little easier to get your head around.
Outer Game is how you convey your value to other people. Lines, routines, etc fall into this category. Also included is calibration, controlling your body language, reading other people's body language, and escalation. You get the idea.
Inner Game is believing in your own value. I think "core confidence" sums the idea up pretty well.
Atomic Game is...can you guess it? It's actually having value, a concept that gets far too little attention in the Community.
One of the problems that routine junkies find is that they eventually run out of material, the razzle-dazzle wears off, and girls realize that the guys are phonies. Outer Game without Inner Game is just an attempt to trick girls into believing your have value when you don't really believe it yourself. Eventually the jig is up and the girls are gone.
Inner Game without Atomic Game is just an attempt to trick yourself into having value. It's easier to convince a girl that you have value when you believe it yourself. But, eventually you'll realize it's all a sham, and once that happens your Outer Game will collapse. The solution? Atomic Game, actually having value.
When you have real value it's very easy to believe you have value, and when you believe you have value it's very easy to communicate that you have value to others. So how do you get value?
...So actually quite a while has passed since I wrote the all that, and I've been trying to figure out an answer to that question, "How do you get value?" It's basically a "What is the meaning of life?" question, and I'm pretty far from qualified to answer it. Luckily, in the time I've been thinking about this, I've come up with a non-answer which might actually be pretty useful.
How you get value will depend largely on whether value is objective or subjective. For those of you wondering just what I mean (and any time people use airy language like I am now, you should ask what exactly they mean), I'll explain. Objective value means there's some right answer to the question "What is value?" Subjective value means there's no one right answer and that what matters is what you think the right answer is. Uh...pretty thin explanation, it's a little more complicated than that, but this will suffice. As an example, maybe there is some objective standard of beauty; percent body fat, facial proportions, skin tone, etc. Or, it may be subjective; beauty is whatever people think is beautiful.
The good news for you is that it might not matter if value is objective or subjective. Actually, it's good news for me. If it did matter, I'd be fucked and would never come up with a useful conclusion to this entry. Good news for all of us.
Why it doesn't amtter if value is objective or subjective is because of how the outer game/inner game/atomic game structure works. I said before inner game works better when you actually have value (atomic game). That might be wrong. For instance, imagine that value was objective and you possessed tons of it. Your inner could still be fucked...if your beliefs about value were wrong! You'd have value but not realize it, meaning your inner game would eventually collapse, even though you had value. What a world!
Atomic game should really be understood not as having value, but as having what you believe is value. This starts to sound a lot like I'm just explaining inner game with different words. Not quite, but close. Inner game is more about telling yourself you have value. Tim from Real Social Dynamics talks frequently about having a delusional belief in the amazing level of your skills. This helps distinguish inner game from atomic game. Inner game is when you try to get yourself to believe something that you really, deep down, believe is false. Inner game is deluding yourself into thinking you've overcome your faults. Atomic game is overcoming what you think your faults are.
So now back to subjective/objective stuff. Assume for a moment that value is objective. What if you're wrong about your faults? What if you end up emphasizing your weaknesses and hiding your strengths. Whoops!
Luckily there's more good news. Even if there is objective value, there's no reason to think that girls know what is objectively valuable. All they have, just like you, is what they think is valuable. They could be right, they could be wrong, or value could be subjective and no one is right or wrong. What's important is that when you're talking to a girl, her attraction is based on what she thinks gives value. If she's wrong, she's wrong; the universe isn't going to step in and tell her hormones to shut down and vagina to dry up; she's still going to be attracted. Yippee!
And now for the sad conclusion. All this basically seems to boil down to the idea that you should try to make yourself into the type of man girls think is valuable. That would suck. Not only is it super reactive and about as supplicatory as you can get, but it'd be damned hard. You can't ask girls what they think is valuable; people tend to not be honest with themselves about what turns them on. They're even less honest with other people.
But, if you could know just what gets certain girls' blood going, you'd be faced with that issue: would you change yourself just to get girls? I can't tell you what's right for you and what's not. Maybe men of extraordinary integrity just go through life not getting laid that much. At some point you have to look at life, realize you can't have everything, and start prioritizing. Maybe you'd like to think you stay true to your nature, or maybe you'd like to have a lot of anonymous bathroom sex. I won't choose for you. I just hope all this has helped make the issues a little easier to get your head around.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
What Should I Have Done...
I am right now volunteering to answer every single "What should I have done with this one girl?" question, and as an added bonus, I will also answer every single "What should I do with this one girl?" question. I shit you not. I will provide a detailed, masterful answer. All I ask is that you first provide me with a little necessary background information:
First, a little background on you, just so I can have an idea of who I'm giving advice to. Can't give advice to no one! This shit is custom tailored, not one-size-fits-all.
1. What is your age?
2. How long have you been in the Community?
3. How often do you go out?
4. How many girls have you laid?
5. How many in the past year?
Now moving on to the interaction you're having trouble with:
6. Tell me everything you said to her (including all previous interactions).
7. Tell me how she responded to each thing you said.
8. Tell me everything she said.
9. What time was it?
10. What type of venue was it?
11. How was your body language and vocal intonation at each point of the interaction?
12. How was her body language and vocal intonation?
13. What were you wearing?
14. What was she wearing?
15. If there were any other people involved in the conversation, tell me everything they said to anyone else, how they responded to everyone else's comments, and what their body language was like.
Your answers must be very specific. Provide exact wording, not just "We talked about the weather." Describe every part of the interaction you had, from beginning to end, not just the parts you think are important. If you knew what was important, you wouldn't need advice.
I know this seems like a lot, but so much goes into any interaction that it's impossible to know for sure what you should have done without all this information. While you're working on collecting all this data, why don't I provide you with a quick mini-lesson:
Learn to calibrate.
First, a little background on you, just so I can have an idea of who I'm giving advice to. Can't give advice to no one! This shit is custom tailored, not one-size-fits-all.
1. What is your age?
2. How long have you been in the Community?
3. How often do you go out?
4. How many girls have you laid?
5. How many in the past year?
Now moving on to the interaction you're having trouble with:
6. Tell me everything you said to her (including all previous interactions).
7. Tell me how she responded to each thing you said.
8. Tell me everything she said.
9. What time was it?
10. What type of venue was it?
11. How was your body language and vocal intonation at each point of the interaction?
12. How was her body language and vocal intonation?
13. What were you wearing?
14. What was she wearing?
15. If there were any other people involved in the conversation, tell me everything they said to anyone else, how they responded to everyone else's comments, and what their body language was like.
Your answers must be very specific. Provide exact wording, not just "We talked about the weather." Describe every part of the interaction you had, from beginning to end, not just the parts you think are important. If you knew what was important, you wouldn't need advice.
I know this seems like a lot, but so much goes into any interaction that it's impossible to know for sure what you should have done without all this information. While you're working on collecting all this data, why don't I provide you with a quick mini-lesson:
Learn to calibrate.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Statistical Significance
PLA: I was at a bar last night, middle of the week, minding my own business, eating a turkey burger, and this girl I hadn't talked to for weeks txts me, wanting to hang out Saturday night. And then a few minutes later, this other girl comes up to the bar right next to me to ask the bar tender something. He didn't know the answer, but I was playing on my Blackberry, so I looked it up on Wikipedia, and then she invited me to come to her table with the other two girls she was with.
aPUA: WOAH! I didn't know you could peacock with a turkey burger.
PLA: ...
aPUA: Maybe it was the Blackberry?
PLA: ...
aPUA: What bar was this? I have to go there.
PLA: You are never getting laid.
On any Community forum you will find guys posting about a new line, routine, tactic, or whatever, either talking about how well it worked or asking if other guys think it will work. Both of these questions are dumb.
Saying your technique worked is irrelevant. There's a lot more going on in your interaction than the one technique, so it's impossible for you to say that the technique was responsible for your success. You can't even say it contributed. Your experience is statistically insignificant. A certain Community forum out there requires its members to have successfully used a technique twice before posting about it. Also statistically insignificant, largely because guys don't realize what other information they have to provide. If you want to add to the collective Community wisdom, we need to know a whole lot more than just what the line was and how many times you nailed her. We also need to know how many times you tried it and it failed. What type of venue did you use it in? What time was it? Were either of you drinking? Dancing? And here's the big one: How successful are you normally?
Imagine someone told you about a new routine called...I don't know...Sin and Thin. He says he's tried it 200 times, on 15 different nights and 40 different venues, ranging from the multi-level club to the college dive bar, and out of those 200 attempts he got laid 50 times. For those of you keeping track at home, 1 in 4 is amazingly good. 1 in 4 means you're never going home alone. You will find at least 4 attractive girls any night you go out. Sin and Thin must be some powerful shit, right?
Maybe not. What if Sin and Thin's creator normally has a 1 in 2 chance of getting the girl? Sin and Thin is actually hurting his game. It doesn't really matter whether a certain technique worked, what matters is whether it improved your game. Every successful pick up has some good moves and some bad moves. You don't want to cling to the bad moves just because you got laid after using them. You'll still get laid, but it'll be more difficult.
In most football victories the opposing team scores at least once. But, no team looks at its record and decides it would help to allow the opposing team to score. Why? Because they win even more of the time when the other doesn't score at all.
And now to briefly address the other question guys like to pose: What do you think of this line?
Look, retard, if these guys could just read a line you thought up and know whether it will get you laid, they wouldn't be on an internet forum looking for advice on how to pick up girls. They'd be out having orgies with models. We don't know what you look like, how you speak, what your body language will be, or any other number of factors that can make or break your delivery. And even if we did, the vast majority of Community members simply don't know whether something will work. That's why they're in the Community learning this stuff in the first place. Go out and test it yourself. It's a lot more fun than sitting at your keyboard.
aPUA: WOAH! I didn't know you could peacock with a turkey burger.
PLA: ...
aPUA: Maybe it was the Blackberry?
PLA: ...
aPUA: What bar was this? I have to go there.
PLA: You are never getting laid.
On any Community forum you will find guys posting about a new line, routine, tactic, or whatever, either talking about how well it worked or asking if other guys think it will work. Both of these questions are dumb.
Saying your technique worked is irrelevant. There's a lot more going on in your interaction than the one technique, so it's impossible for you to say that the technique was responsible for your success. You can't even say it contributed. Your experience is statistically insignificant. A certain Community forum out there requires its members to have successfully used a technique twice before posting about it. Also statistically insignificant, largely because guys don't realize what other information they have to provide. If you want to add to the collective Community wisdom, we need to know a whole lot more than just what the line was and how many times you nailed her. We also need to know how many times you tried it and it failed. What type of venue did you use it in? What time was it? Were either of you drinking? Dancing? And here's the big one: How successful are you normally?
Imagine someone told you about a new routine called...I don't know...Sin and Thin. He says he's tried it 200 times, on 15 different nights and 40 different venues, ranging from the multi-level club to the college dive bar, and out of those 200 attempts he got laid 50 times. For those of you keeping track at home, 1 in 4 is amazingly good. 1 in 4 means you're never going home alone. You will find at least 4 attractive girls any night you go out. Sin and Thin must be some powerful shit, right?
Maybe not. What if Sin and Thin's creator normally has a 1 in 2 chance of getting the girl? Sin and Thin is actually hurting his game. It doesn't really matter whether a certain technique worked, what matters is whether it improved your game. Every successful pick up has some good moves and some bad moves. You don't want to cling to the bad moves just because you got laid after using them. You'll still get laid, but it'll be more difficult.
In most football victories the opposing team scores at least once. But, no team looks at its record and decides it would help to allow the opposing team to score. Why? Because they win even more of the time when the other doesn't score at all.
And now to briefly address the other question guys like to pose: What do you think of this line?
Look, retard, if these guys could just read a line you thought up and know whether it will get you laid, they wouldn't be on an internet forum looking for advice on how to pick up girls. They'd be out having orgies with models. We don't know what you look like, how you speak, what your body language will be, or any other number of factors that can make or break your delivery. And even if we did, the vast majority of Community members simply don't know whether something will work. That's why they're in the Community learning this stuff in the first place. Go out and test it yourself. It's a lot more fun than sitting at your keyboard.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Routines 2.0
A lot of people will tell you that routines are dead. Material is dead. Canned lines are dead.
They're not dead. They've evolved. And, they're stronger than ever.
We all know the classics, "Can I get your opinion on something?" "Hey, I have to get right back to my friends, this will only take a second," or "Did you see that fight outside?"
A routine is basically anything you've done in one interaction that you repeat in another interaction. These are far more common than you think. So why all the hate towards routines these days?
Because the old routines, for the most part, don't work any more. What made them work before (aside from the confidence that comes in believing in them) was that they were novel. People hadn't heard stuff like them before. It caught hot girls off guard and stopped them from giving their default bitch-shield response. But now everyone has heard the lines before. They'll call you out on it, and most of the time if you're using a routine it doesn't come across as authentic. You learned it from someone else. It isn't congruent with your personality or how you speak.
This doesn't mean routines are dead, it just means some routines have died. New routines have entered the scene, "Hi, I think you're really pretty and wanted to meet you," "Your shit," or "Spin-and-in," are the new stock. The new routines are more physical and take advantage of technology.
But, they work by the same principles: people are confident in them and get a boost from believing in the routine, and they're novel. "You're really pretty and I wanted to meet you," can completely catch a girl off guard, especially when delivered with the right tone and body language.
And, for the new routines, the weaknesses are still there. Any time you use a line or tactic that comes from someone else, there's a good chance it won't feel authentic. Your conversation will seem forced or rehearsed, and people won't respond well to it. Of course, over time this can go away, just like you get better at telling a certain joke the more times you've told it.
You will never get rid of routines, nor should you try. What are you going to do? Never tell the same joke twice? You'd become dreadfully boring. The key to using routines well is to pick ones that are natural to you. The best way to do this is to make your own routines. I don't mean to sit down and write out a script. Just pay attention and make note of when people respond well to you and when they don't. Figure out what types of jokes you're good at, and what doesn't work for you.
But, the advice is completely different for the beginners out there: cling to routines like they're a pair of double Ds. Memorize a bunch of them, and then go out and use them to talk to every girl you can. When you're first starting out, you're not trying to be a legendary conversationalist, you're just trying to get a feel for what the environment is like.
Using lines from other people is like playing teeball. You know it's not baseball, but you're not pretending it is. You can't develop every skill at once, so don't try. Use crutches at first to help you work on other areas. When you're more experienced, more skilled and more comfortable, then you can drop the borrowed material and transition into a more natural style.
They're not dead. They've evolved. And, they're stronger than ever.
We all know the classics, "Can I get your opinion on something?" "Hey, I have to get right back to my friends, this will only take a second," or "Did you see that fight outside?"
A routine is basically anything you've done in one interaction that you repeat in another interaction. These are far more common than you think. So why all the hate towards routines these days?
Because the old routines, for the most part, don't work any more. What made them work before (aside from the confidence that comes in believing in them) was that they were novel. People hadn't heard stuff like them before. It caught hot girls off guard and stopped them from giving their default bitch-shield response. But now everyone has heard the lines before. They'll call you out on it, and most of the time if you're using a routine it doesn't come across as authentic. You learned it from someone else. It isn't congruent with your personality or how you speak.
This doesn't mean routines are dead, it just means some routines have died. New routines have entered the scene, "Hi, I think you're really pretty and wanted to meet you," "Your shit," or "Spin-and-in," are the new stock. The new routines are more physical and take advantage of technology.
But, they work by the same principles: people are confident in them and get a boost from believing in the routine, and they're novel. "You're really pretty and I wanted to meet you," can completely catch a girl off guard, especially when delivered with the right tone and body language.
And, for the new routines, the weaknesses are still there. Any time you use a line or tactic that comes from someone else, there's a good chance it won't feel authentic. Your conversation will seem forced or rehearsed, and people won't respond well to it. Of course, over time this can go away, just like you get better at telling a certain joke the more times you've told it.
You will never get rid of routines, nor should you try. What are you going to do? Never tell the same joke twice? You'd become dreadfully boring. The key to using routines well is to pick ones that are natural to you. The best way to do this is to make your own routines. I don't mean to sit down and write out a script. Just pay attention and make note of when people respond well to you and when they don't. Figure out what types of jokes you're good at, and what doesn't work for you.
But, the advice is completely different for the beginners out there: cling to routines like they're a pair of double Ds. Memorize a bunch of them, and then go out and use them to talk to every girl you can. When you're first starting out, you're not trying to be a legendary conversationalist, you're just trying to get a feel for what the environment is like.
Using lines from other people is like playing teeball. You know it's not baseball, but you're not pretending it is. You can't develop every skill at once, so don't try. Use crutches at first to help you work on other areas. When you're more experienced, more skilled and more comfortable, then you can drop the borrowed material and transition into a more natural style.
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