I am right now volunteering to answer every single "What should I have done with this one girl?" question, and as an added bonus, I will also answer every single "What should I do with this one girl?" question. I shit you not. I will provide a detailed, masterful answer. All I ask is that you first provide me with a little necessary background information:
First, a little background on you, just so I can have an idea of who I'm giving advice to. Can't give advice to no one! This shit is custom tailored, not one-size-fits-all.
1. What is your age?
2. How long have you been in the Community?
3. How often do you go out?
4. How many girls have you laid?
5. How many in the past year?
Now moving on to the interaction you're having trouble with:
6. Tell me everything you said to her (including all previous interactions).
7. Tell me how she responded to each thing you said.
8. Tell me everything she said.
9. What time was it?
10. What type of venue was it?
11. How was your body language and vocal intonation at each point of the interaction?
12. How was her body language and vocal intonation?
13. What were you wearing?
14. What was she wearing?
15. If there were any other people involved in the conversation, tell me everything they said to anyone else, how they responded to everyone else's comments, and what their body language was like.
Your answers must be very specific. Provide exact wording, not just "We talked about the weather." Describe every part of the interaction you had, from beginning to end, not just the parts you think are important. If you knew what was important, you wouldn't need advice.
I know this seems like a lot, but so much goes into any interaction that it's impossible to know for sure what you should have done without all this information. While you're working on collecting all this data, why don't I provide you with a quick mini-lesson:
Learn to calibrate.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Statistical Significance
PLA: I was at a bar last night, middle of the week, minding my own business, eating a turkey burger, and this girl I hadn't talked to for weeks txts me, wanting to hang out Saturday night. And then a few minutes later, this other girl comes up to the bar right next to me to ask the bar tender something. He didn't know the answer, but I was playing on my Blackberry, so I looked it up on Wikipedia, and then she invited me to come to her table with the other two girls she was with.
aPUA: WOAH! I didn't know you could peacock with a turkey burger.
PLA: ...
aPUA: Maybe it was the Blackberry?
PLA: ...
aPUA: What bar was this? I have to go there.
PLA: You are never getting laid.
On any Community forum you will find guys posting about a new line, routine, tactic, or whatever, either talking about how well it worked or asking if other guys think it will work. Both of these questions are dumb.
Saying your technique worked is irrelevant. There's a lot more going on in your interaction than the one technique, so it's impossible for you to say that the technique was responsible for your success. You can't even say it contributed. Your experience is statistically insignificant. A certain Community forum out there requires its members to have successfully used a technique twice before posting about it. Also statistically insignificant, largely because guys don't realize what other information they have to provide. If you want to add to the collective Community wisdom, we need to know a whole lot more than just what the line was and how many times you nailed her. We also need to know how many times you tried it and it failed. What type of venue did you use it in? What time was it? Were either of you drinking? Dancing? And here's the big one: How successful are you normally?
Imagine someone told you about a new routine called...I don't know...Sin and Thin. He says he's tried it 200 times, on 15 different nights and 40 different venues, ranging from the multi-level club to the college dive bar, and out of those 200 attempts he got laid 50 times. For those of you keeping track at home, 1 in 4 is amazingly good. 1 in 4 means you're never going home alone. You will find at least 4 attractive girls any night you go out. Sin and Thin must be some powerful shit, right?
Maybe not. What if Sin and Thin's creator normally has a 1 in 2 chance of getting the girl? Sin and Thin is actually hurting his game. It doesn't really matter whether a certain technique worked, what matters is whether it improved your game. Every successful pick up has some good moves and some bad moves. You don't want to cling to the bad moves just because you got laid after using them. You'll still get laid, but it'll be more difficult.
In most football victories the opposing team scores at least once. But, no team looks at its record and decides it would help to allow the opposing team to score. Why? Because they win even more of the time when the other doesn't score at all.
And now to briefly address the other question guys like to pose: What do you think of this line?
Look, retard, if these guys could just read a line you thought up and know whether it will get you laid, they wouldn't be on an internet forum looking for advice on how to pick up girls. They'd be out having orgies with models. We don't know what you look like, how you speak, what your body language will be, or any other number of factors that can make or break your delivery. And even if we did, the vast majority of Community members simply don't know whether something will work. That's why they're in the Community learning this stuff in the first place. Go out and test it yourself. It's a lot more fun than sitting at your keyboard.
aPUA: WOAH! I didn't know you could peacock with a turkey burger.
PLA: ...
aPUA: Maybe it was the Blackberry?
PLA: ...
aPUA: What bar was this? I have to go there.
PLA: You are never getting laid.
On any Community forum you will find guys posting about a new line, routine, tactic, or whatever, either talking about how well it worked or asking if other guys think it will work. Both of these questions are dumb.
Saying your technique worked is irrelevant. There's a lot more going on in your interaction than the one technique, so it's impossible for you to say that the technique was responsible for your success. You can't even say it contributed. Your experience is statistically insignificant. A certain Community forum out there requires its members to have successfully used a technique twice before posting about it. Also statistically insignificant, largely because guys don't realize what other information they have to provide. If you want to add to the collective Community wisdom, we need to know a whole lot more than just what the line was and how many times you nailed her. We also need to know how many times you tried it and it failed. What type of venue did you use it in? What time was it? Were either of you drinking? Dancing? And here's the big one: How successful are you normally?
Imagine someone told you about a new routine called...I don't know...Sin and Thin. He says he's tried it 200 times, on 15 different nights and 40 different venues, ranging from the multi-level club to the college dive bar, and out of those 200 attempts he got laid 50 times. For those of you keeping track at home, 1 in 4 is amazingly good. 1 in 4 means you're never going home alone. You will find at least 4 attractive girls any night you go out. Sin and Thin must be some powerful shit, right?
Maybe not. What if Sin and Thin's creator normally has a 1 in 2 chance of getting the girl? Sin and Thin is actually hurting his game. It doesn't really matter whether a certain technique worked, what matters is whether it improved your game. Every successful pick up has some good moves and some bad moves. You don't want to cling to the bad moves just because you got laid after using them. You'll still get laid, but it'll be more difficult.
In most football victories the opposing team scores at least once. But, no team looks at its record and decides it would help to allow the opposing team to score. Why? Because they win even more of the time when the other doesn't score at all.
And now to briefly address the other question guys like to pose: What do you think of this line?
Look, retard, if these guys could just read a line you thought up and know whether it will get you laid, they wouldn't be on an internet forum looking for advice on how to pick up girls. They'd be out having orgies with models. We don't know what you look like, how you speak, what your body language will be, or any other number of factors that can make or break your delivery. And even if we did, the vast majority of Community members simply don't know whether something will work. That's why they're in the Community learning this stuff in the first place. Go out and test it yourself. It's a lot more fun than sitting at your keyboard.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Routines 2.0
A lot of people will tell you that routines are dead. Material is dead. Canned lines are dead.
They're not dead. They've evolved. And, they're stronger than ever.
We all know the classics, "Can I get your opinion on something?" "Hey, I have to get right back to my friends, this will only take a second," or "Did you see that fight outside?"
A routine is basically anything you've done in one interaction that you repeat in another interaction. These are far more common than you think. So why all the hate towards routines these days?
Because the old routines, for the most part, don't work any more. What made them work before (aside from the confidence that comes in believing in them) was that they were novel. People hadn't heard stuff like them before. It caught hot girls off guard and stopped them from giving their default bitch-shield response. But now everyone has heard the lines before. They'll call you out on it, and most of the time if you're using a routine it doesn't come across as authentic. You learned it from someone else. It isn't congruent with your personality or how you speak.
This doesn't mean routines are dead, it just means some routines have died. New routines have entered the scene, "Hi, I think you're really pretty and wanted to meet you," "Your shit," or "Spin-and-in," are the new stock. The new routines are more physical and take advantage of technology.
But, they work by the same principles: people are confident in them and get a boost from believing in the routine, and they're novel. "You're really pretty and I wanted to meet you," can completely catch a girl off guard, especially when delivered with the right tone and body language.
And, for the new routines, the weaknesses are still there. Any time you use a line or tactic that comes from someone else, there's a good chance it won't feel authentic. Your conversation will seem forced or rehearsed, and people won't respond well to it. Of course, over time this can go away, just like you get better at telling a certain joke the more times you've told it.
You will never get rid of routines, nor should you try. What are you going to do? Never tell the same joke twice? You'd become dreadfully boring. The key to using routines well is to pick ones that are natural to you. The best way to do this is to make your own routines. I don't mean to sit down and write out a script. Just pay attention and make note of when people respond well to you and when they don't. Figure out what types of jokes you're good at, and what doesn't work for you.
But, the advice is completely different for the beginners out there: cling to routines like they're a pair of double Ds. Memorize a bunch of them, and then go out and use them to talk to every girl you can. When you're first starting out, you're not trying to be a legendary conversationalist, you're just trying to get a feel for what the environment is like.
Using lines from other people is like playing teeball. You know it's not baseball, but you're not pretending it is. You can't develop every skill at once, so don't try. Use crutches at first to help you work on other areas. When you're more experienced, more skilled and more comfortable, then you can drop the borrowed material and transition into a more natural style.
They're not dead. They've evolved. And, they're stronger than ever.
We all know the classics, "Can I get your opinion on something?" "Hey, I have to get right back to my friends, this will only take a second," or "Did you see that fight outside?"
A routine is basically anything you've done in one interaction that you repeat in another interaction. These are far more common than you think. So why all the hate towards routines these days?
Because the old routines, for the most part, don't work any more. What made them work before (aside from the confidence that comes in believing in them) was that they were novel. People hadn't heard stuff like them before. It caught hot girls off guard and stopped them from giving their default bitch-shield response. But now everyone has heard the lines before. They'll call you out on it, and most of the time if you're using a routine it doesn't come across as authentic. You learned it from someone else. It isn't congruent with your personality or how you speak.
This doesn't mean routines are dead, it just means some routines have died. New routines have entered the scene, "Hi, I think you're really pretty and wanted to meet you," "Your shit," or "Spin-and-in," are the new stock. The new routines are more physical and take advantage of technology.
But, they work by the same principles: people are confident in them and get a boost from believing in the routine, and they're novel. "You're really pretty and I wanted to meet you," can completely catch a girl off guard, especially when delivered with the right tone and body language.
And, for the new routines, the weaknesses are still there. Any time you use a line or tactic that comes from someone else, there's a good chance it won't feel authentic. Your conversation will seem forced or rehearsed, and people won't respond well to it. Of course, over time this can go away, just like you get better at telling a certain joke the more times you've told it.
You will never get rid of routines, nor should you try. What are you going to do? Never tell the same joke twice? You'd become dreadfully boring. The key to using routines well is to pick ones that are natural to you. The best way to do this is to make your own routines. I don't mean to sit down and write out a script. Just pay attention and make note of when people respond well to you and when they don't. Figure out what types of jokes you're good at, and what doesn't work for you.
But, the advice is completely different for the beginners out there: cling to routines like they're a pair of double Ds. Memorize a bunch of them, and then go out and use them to talk to every girl you can. When you're first starting out, you're not trying to be a legendary conversationalist, you're just trying to get a feel for what the environment is like.
Using lines from other people is like playing teeball. You know it's not baseball, but you're not pretending it is. You can't develop every skill at once, so don't try. Use crutches at first to help you work on other areas. When you're more experienced, more skilled and more comfortable, then you can drop the borrowed material and transition into a more natural style.
Do Looks Matter?
Pretty popular question on any Community forum. The trouble with this question is that the answer is far more complicated and nuanced than the average aspiring PUA cares to think about. This is further complicated by the fact that most aPUAs out there are really bad with inductive reasoning, statistics and complex causation. That probably just sounds like a lot of verbiage, so I'll explain with an example:
PLA: Do looks matter?
aPUA: I saw an ugly guy with a hot girl. Therefor, looks don't matter.
PLA: You are never going to get laid.
One swallow does not a summer make. One ugly guy with a hot girl does not mean looks don't matter. The ugly guy with a hottie answers a different question: "Is being ugly an absolute barrier to getting with a hottie?" The answer to that is clearly No.
Imagine if the question were instead, "In Texas Hold'em, do high cards matter?" The question is most certainly yes. But, there is far more to the game than just having good cards. You also need to know a lot about statistics, strategy, psychology, and have a bit of luck. A big stack of chips doesn't hurt either. All of these things matter, but yet with how many poker tournaments there are out there, you can always find someone who wins that lacks one or more of these obvious fundamentals. Same goes for pick up.
Do you have to be good looking? No. Does it help? Absolutely.
You also don't need a good job, a sense of humor, in-field experience or even game! But, they sure as hell help.
Another problem that makes the "Do looks matter?" question so difficult is that there's a lot of questions rolled up into it. If I'm a 7 can I ever get with a 9? What about a 10? Can I get with a 10 if I'm a 5? What if I'm a 3? Or a 1? There may be some barriers that can't be broken, but I don't think it's at all necessary to presume they exist. There's a much simplier general rule that works: the more physically attractive you are, the easier time you will have attracting girls. It's that simple.
If you're fat or ugly, don't despair. The main word in that was "easier." Well, the main word was "you," and "girls" was a close second, but "easier" is pretty important too. Anyways, the point is that ugly guys can still get laid, and with attractive girls! It's just harder.
More good news! There's a lot you can do to become more attractive. Exercise! You don't need to bulk up, or get ripped (though it can help). Just being in shape can do a ton. You can also work on your style. Not really going into details now, maybe in a later entry. Wear deoderant.
Finally, one last thing that any discussion of "Do looks matter?" wouldn't be complete without: Aren't good looking guys more confident, and isn't it just that confidence that makes them more successful?
This question tries to bring you back to an earlier mistake, trying to think that looks are everything or nothing. Yes, being good looking can make a guy more confident, and that confidence can be attractive. But, that doesn't mean that looks don't contribute. What it does mean is that looks AND confidence contribute to how attractive you are, and that perhaps the average person thinks looks matter more than they do.
PLA: Ever seen a pole vaulter? They are all in very good shape. In pole vaulting, muscles matter.
aPUA: But PLA, the best pole vaulters are very confident in their skill, and pole vaulting clearly requires a lot of confidence. So, isn't it true that muscles don't matter in pole vaulting, and that it's all just confidence?
PLA: You are never going to get laid.
Pole vaulting takes muscles and confidence. If you lack either, you will not get over that bar. Good news for you is that attracting beautiful women requires neither good looks nor confidence. But, they sure as hell help.
PLA: Do looks matter?
aPUA: I saw an ugly guy with a hot girl. Therefor, looks don't matter.
PLA: You are never going to get laid.
One swallow does not a summer make. One ugly guy with a hot girl does not mean looks don't matter. The ugly guy with a hottie answers a different question: "Is being ugly an absolute barrier to getting with a hottie?" The answer to that is clearly No.
Imagine if the question were instead, "In Texas Hold'em, do high cards matter?" The question is most certainly yes. But, there is far more to the game than just having good cards. You also need to know a lot about statistics, strategy, psychology, and have a bit of luck. A big stack of chips doesn't hurt either. All of these things matter, but yet with how many poker tournaments there are out there, you can always find someone who wins that lacks one or more of these obvious fundamentals. Same goes for pick up.
Do you have to be good looking? No. Does it help? Absolutely.
You also don't need a good job, a sense of humor, in-field experience or even game! But, they sure as hell help.
Another problem that makes the "Do looks matter?" question so difficult is that there's a lot of questions rolled up into it. If I'm a 7 can I ever get with a 9? What about a 10? Can I get with a 10 if I'm a 5? What if I'm a 3? Or a 1? There may be some barriers that can't be broken, but I don't think it's at all necessary to presume they exist. There's a much simplier general rule that works: the more physically attractive you are, the easier time you will have attracting girls. It's that simple.
If you're fat or ugly, don't despair. The main word in that was "easier." Well, the main word was "you," and "girls" was a close second, but "easier" is pretty important too. Anyways, the point is that ugly guys can still get laid, and with attractive girls! It's just harder.
More good news! There's a lot you can do to become more attractive. Exercise! You don't need to bulk up, or get ripped (though it can help). Just being in shape can do a ton. You can also work on your style. Not really going into details now, maybe in a later entry. Wear deoderant.
Finally, one last thing that any discussion of "Do looks matter?" wouldn't be complete without: Aren't good looking guys more confident, and isn't it just that confidence that makes them more successful?
This question tries to bring you back to an earlier mistake, trying to think that looks are everything or nothing. Yes, being good looking can make a guy more confident, and that confidence can be attractive. But, that doesn't mean that looks don't contribute. What it does mean is that looks AND confidence contribute to how attractive you are, and that perhaps the average person thinks looks matter more than they do.
PLA: Ever seen a pole vaulter? They are all in very good shape. In pole vaulting, muscles matter.
aPUA: But PLA, the best pole vaulters are very confident in their skill, and pole vaulting clearly requires a lot of confidence. So, isn't it true that muscles don't matter in pole vaulting, and that it's all just confidence?
PLA: You are never going to get laid.
Pole vaulting takes muscles and confidence. If you lack either, you will not get over that bar. Good news for you is that attracting beautiful women requires neither good looks nor confidence. But, they sure as hell help.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Meet the Army
Evenstar
Evenstar has been a member of the Community since early 2003. He lives in Manhattan where he works as an overpaid legal research monkey ("attorney"). He's Cajun at heart and a fan of whiskey, college football, behavioral economics, fashion and trash TV. Evenstar specializes in a revolutionary style of pickup known as "sittin' at the bar an' lettin' chicks come to ya, an' then fuckin' 'em" but has also been known to hit the club scene and bust a move.
L Prince
L Prince was born and raised in Tokyo, Japan. He moved to NY by himself when he was 19 because he fell in love with the city and the girls. He is a human peacock, not for the sake of pick up, but for the love of fashion.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)